"THE TRUTH"

BY: FOREST LEWIS, Ph.D.

Let me be clear, I am all for giving a person a second chance.

However, a second chance is predicated on a couple of points, (a) The person has to show remorse, (b) The person has to show that they have learned from their mistake(s), and (c) The person is willing to make amends.

Donald Trump played God on Tuesday. In essence, he told Mss. USA, Tara Conner, "To Go And Sin No More". Before Tara walked to the podium and put on an act that would be considered Oscar worthy in today's climate, Trump worked up his audience and the viewing public with his rendition for why Ms. Conner should go on being a role model for young girls.

Said "The Donald,"  "I have always been a believer in second chances. Tara is going to be given a second chance".

All of that sounds altruistic. However, the cynical side of me is asking, "What Is The Payoff For Donald Trump?"

Trump owns the Miss Universe Organization and Miss USA with the National Broadcasting Company.The ratings for these two beauty pageants have taken a nosedive over the years. Could it be that Trump is attempting to breathe life into Mss Universe and Mss USA with his, "I've Always Been A Believer In Second Chances?"

Trump is a very smart businessman. He would not have forgiven Tara Conner if he felt that her behavior could have caused irreparable harm to his pageants.

Ms. Conner won her title in April of this year. She picked up stakes from her home in Kentucky and moved to the big apple. She hit the ground running hard--no, not working on issues related to Miss USA. No, Tara Conner hit the nightclubs hard--and from all accounts, she was knocking down the booze pretty good.

One network report also stated that Tara used cocaine. What a great role model for young girls to look up to.

Trump said he had planned to can Conner. However, after meeting with her, he came away convinced that she was "A good person, with a good heart and not deserving the boot".

Question--what does being a good person, with a good heart and not deserving the boot have to do with this woman using drugs? By the way, alcohol is a drug.

I have worked in the field of substance abuse for more than twenty years. And I can tell you that Donald Trump by his actions is co-dependent with Conner. I will list for you below, the definition for co-dependency:

- Trying to control the behavior of the substance abuser

- Trying to protect the abuser from the harmful effects of her use

So, how is Trump co-dependent? He told Tara that she had to enter rehab. Tara jumped at the chance. Are you seeing my point of co-dependency?

The problem with what Trump has done is this. When one is co-dependent with a substance abuser, that person will "Never" understand the errors of her ways. Had Tara Conner approached Trump and said "I have a drug and alcohol problem, and I need to check into an inpatient facility," I would have said this young lady has a chance at beating her demons.

However, she is doing what Donald Trump wants her to do, and not what Tara Conner wants to do.That is the problem with being co-dependent. You think that you can "Control" the behavior of the abuser.

This 21-year old woman has a severe alcohol problem. You don't just enter an inpatient facility, just because you had a night on the town. To enter inpatient, you have to have a diagnosis of Alcohol Dependence. Ladies and Gentlemen, that is serious stuff.

Tara didn't become an alcoholic once she won the Miss USA crown. She has been drinking for a long time. However, she finally got caught.

The best thing that Trump could have done was "To Fire Tara Conner". Next, he could have let her know that he was there for her. However, the ultimate call of inpatient was her's and her's alone, "NOT THE DONALD'S".

In dealing with alcoholics, if "Tough Love" isn't administered, the alcoholic will continue to pick up and use. But, if your message is, "I love you, but I will not enable or be co-dependent with you, the alcoholic will have some serious thinking to do". We can not stop that person from drinking or smoking crack. There is this little thing called, "Free Will".

Tara Conner needs help, but not the type of help that Donald Trump gave her on Tuesday.

I'm afraid that Trump made a bad situation worse.

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